1 00:00:02,983 --> 00:00:07,215 (music) Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:07,287 --> 00:00:11,223 (music) Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:11,291 --> 00:00:12,690 (music) Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,759 --> 00:00:16,718 (music) You're a pal and a confidante 5 00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:21,064 (music) And if you threw a party 6 00:00:21,134 --> 00:00:24,399 (music) Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:26,106 --> 00:00:30,042 (music) You would see The biggest gift would be from me 8 00:00:30,110 --> 00:00:33,079 (music) And the card attached would say 9 00:00:33,146 --> 00:00:39,176 (music) Thank you for being a friend (music) 10 00:00:57,371 --> 00:00:59,430 Hi, Sophia. How are you this morning? 11 00:00:59,506 --> 00:01:01,474 My joints ache, my ears are ringing, 12 00:01:01,541 --> 00:01:05,204 and my butt dropped two inches on the way down the hall. 13 00:01:07,013 --> 00:01:09,709 All in all, not bad. 14 00:01:09,783 --> 00:01:13,014 - You want some breakfast? - Not if you're making it. 15 00:01:13,086 --> 00:01:15,987 Oh, come on. It's an old family favorite: 16 00:01:16,056 --> 00:01:18,286 Chocolate chip pancakes... 17 00:01:19,860 --> 00:01:23,694 made with brown sugar, honey whipped cream and maple syrup. 18 00:01:25,031 --> 00:01:27,431 If God had meant man to eat like that, 19 00:01:27,501 --> 00:01:30,902 he would've handed him his teeth in a baggie. 20 00:01:31,838 --> 00:01:35,569 - Well, excuse me for asking. - I'm sorry. I'm just irritable. 21 00:01:35,642 --> 00:01:39,874 Poor Sophia. You still upset because your friend Bernice moved to Chicago? 22 00:01:39,946 --> 00:01:43,746 No, Rose. I'm upset because I can't relate to Thirty something. 23 00:01:45,552 --> 00:01:47,486 Of course that's why I'm upset. 24 00:01:47,554 --> 00:01:50,785 I know just how you feel. It's hard losing your buddy. 25 00:01:50,857 --> 00:01:53,655 - You're telling me. - Good morning, Sophia. 26 00:01:53,727 --> 00:01:56,287 Rose, honey, you don't have time to eat. 27 00:01:56,363 --> 00:01:58,490 As my campaign manager, it is your duty 28 00:01:58,565 --> 00:02:01,659 to spend every waking hour ensuring my victory 29 00:02:01,735 --> 00:02:05,603 so that once in office, I can implement the changes needed to move forward 30 00:02:05,672 --> 00:02:09,335 in the grand tradition of the founders of this, our great country. 31 00:02:09,409 --> 00:02:11,206 What office are you running for? 32 00:02:11,278 --> 00:02:14,441 Fashion show chairman of the Tinkerbelles. 33 00:02:16,082 --> 00:02:18,243 Morning. Rose, I hope you don't mind. 34 00:02:18,318 --> 00:02:21,310 I borrowed your golf glove. I have a date to play. 35 00:02:21,388 --> 00:02:25,722 - With a man? - No, Blanche, with a Venus flytrap. 36 00:02:26,827 --> 00:02:29,387 - Of course with a man. - Is it Raymond again? 37 00:02:29,463 --> 00:02:30,794 Yes. 38 00:02:30,864 --> 00:02:34,265 Isn't he the guy you picked up at the grocery store? 39 00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:35,892 I did not pick him up. 40 00:02:35,969 --> 00:02:39,097 He asked me if I could recommend a good coffee, 41 00:02:39,172 --> 00:02:42,437 and then I threw myself underneath his shopping cart. 42 00:02:44,244 --> 00:02:45,973 I think he sounds really nice. 43 00:02:46,046 --> 00:02:49,777 He is. We've had a wonderful time together these past few weeks. 44 00:02:49,850 --> 00:02:54,150 Girls, I really like him, and I think he likes me. 45 00:02:54,221 --> 00:02:58,214 - Just don't ruin it and sleep with him. - Of course not, Ma. 46 00:02:58,291 --> 00:03:02,193 I only do that with men I plan to scar psychologically. 47 00:03:05,232 --> 00:03:07,928 Oh, by the way, I forgot. This came for you. 48 00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:10,299 - A postcard from Bernice. - I don't want it. 49 00:03:10,370 --> 00:03:14,739 - Sophia, I thought you missed her. - If I read that, I'll miss her more. 50 00:03:14,808 --> 00:03:18,972 Ma, I know you're lonely for Bernice, but it's been over a month now. 51 00:03:19,045 --> 00:03:21,445 It's not just Bernice. The whole gang is gone. 52 00:03:21,515 --> 00:03:26,612 Gladys went to live with her daughter, Edie got married, Alice died, 53 00:03:26,686 --> 00:03:29,951 Lillian is still around, but she thinks she's Pinky Lee. 54 00:03:30,023 --> 00:03:31,581 I'm the only one who's left. 55 00:03:31,658 --> 00:03:35,025 Then maybe it's time you tried to make new friends. 56 00:03:35,095 --> 00:03:37,256 It's not that easy to make new friends. 57 00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:42,097 It sure wasn't for the first Eskimo family that moved to St. Olaf. 58 00:03:48,441 --> 00:03:50,807 They sawed a hole and went salmon fishing 59 00:03:50,877 --> 00:03:53,345 in the middle of the local ice skating rink. 60 00:03:55,148 --> 00:03:59,847 And then there was the Halloween they gave all the kids whale blubber. 61 00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:03,481 And then there was the time they borrowed every ice tray in town 62 00:04:03,557 --> 00:04:06,958 to build an addition over their garage. 63 00:04:08,328 --> 00:04:09,727 What was the point? 64 00:04:09,796 --> 00:04:13,789 I guess after the baby came, they needed more room. 65 00:04:15,635 --> 00:04:20,436 The point of the story! Well, gradually they were able to make friends, 66 00:04:20,507 --> 00:04:23,271 and they ended up the most popular family in town. 67 00:04:23,343 --> 00:04:26,938 But only because they went out and met people. Isn't that right, Rose? 68 00:04:27,013 --> 00:04:29,413 No. It was because in the drought of '49, 69 00:04:29,482 --> 00:04:33,145 their house melted and kept the town from dehydrating. 70 00:04:38,825 --> 00:04:42,352 Listen, Ma, I have an idea. Play golf with Raymond and me. 71 00:04:42,429 --> 00:04:47,628 I would love to, but I don't own any ugly plaid polyester. 72 00:04:47,701 --> 00:04:50,465 Rose, you have something in a size six? 73 00:04:50,537 --> 00:04:53,233 Come on, Ma. I'll help you pick something out. 74 00:04:55,909 --> 00:04:57,035 [Doorbell rings] 75 00:04:57,110 --> 00:04:59,135 - Must be Raymond. - I'll be right out. 76 00:04:59,212 --> 00:05:02,773 I just have to get some hard candy and my doughnut pillow. 77 00:05:06,486 --> 00:05:08,283 - Hi, Dorothy. - Come right in. 78 00:05:08,355 --> 00:05:11,518 Raymond, I'm afraid I have something to tell you. 79 00:05:11,591 --> 00:05:14,116 Oh, you shouldn't have. 80 00:05:14,194 --> 00:05:15,889 I know. 81 00:05:21,768 --> 00:05:25,670 - Shouldn't have done that either. - Yes, you should. Do it again. 82 00:05:27,807 --> 00:05:32,801 Hey! I have a Chiclet here somewhere if you're fighting over a piece of gum. 83 00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:36,677 Hi, Sophia. I didn't notice you there. 84 00:05:36,750 --> 00:05:39,583 Well, I noticed your hands all over my daughter. 85 00:05:39,653 --> 00:05:42,383 Did you hear your daughter complaining? 86 00:05:42,455 --> 00:05:44,423 I apologize, Sophia. 87 00:05:44,491 --> 00:05:47,426 Apology accepted. Let's go. 88 00:05:47,494 --> 00:05:50,429 Uh, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. 89 00:05:50,497 --> 00:05:54,866 Ma's been feeling a little down lately, so I invited her to play golf with us. 90 00:05:54,934 --> 00:05:56,868 Oh, wonderful. 91 00:05:56,936 --> 00:05:59,166 - Glad to have you along. - I know. 92 00:05:59,239 --> 00:06:02,367 So, Sophia, tell me, have you played much? 93 00:06:02,442 --> 00:06:04,637 Have I played? Have I played? 94 00:06:06,079 --> 00:06:07,307 Played what? 95 00:06:15,955 --> 00:06:19,049 - Finished writing my campaign speech? - Check. 96 00:06:19,125 --> 00:06:21,218 - Sent invitations for the party? - Check. 97 00:06:21,294 --> 00:06:23,489 Made my appointment with the refreshment committee? 98 00:06:23,563 --> 00:06:26,088 - Check. - Good. 99 00:06:26,166 --> 00:06:28,464 With all the work I put in on this campaign, 100 00:06:28,535 --> 00:06:31,231 I might as well run for fashion show chairman myself. 101 00:06:31,304 --> 00:06:33,772 [Laughing] 102 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:37,240 What's so funny? 103 00:06:37,310 --> 00:06:42,077 You? Rose, you can't be fashion show chairman. 104 00:06:42,148 --> 00:06:46,312 You thought Giorgio Armani was a puppet on Ed Sullivan. 105 00:06:47,954 --> 00:06:50,684 You don't think I'm smart enough for the job? 106 00:06:50,757 --> 00:06:54,750 No. I think you're smart enough. You just have no taste. 107 00:06:56,196 --> 00:07:00,155 Okay, girls, which goes better, the silver chain or the pearls? 108 00:07:00,233 --> 00:07:01,291 The chain. 109 00:07:01,367 --> 00:07:02,994 An amateur's mistake. 110 00:07:03,069 --> 00:07:06,038 Can't you see that the chain accentuates 111 00:07:06,106 --> 00:07:09,667 the many folds of that turkey-like neck? 112 00:07:15,248 --> 00:07:19,582 Well, that may be, but the pearls draw attention to the nonexistent bosom. 113 00:07:25,558 --> 00:07:29,050 Yes, but the chain leads the eye even lower 114 00:07:29,129 --> 00:07:32,963 to that huge spare tire... 115 00:07:33,032 --> 00:07:36,524 jutting out over those square, manly hips. 116 00:07:36,603 --> 00:07:42,064 Why don't I just wear a sign that says, "Too ugly to live"? 117 00:07:42,742 --> 00:07:47,338 Fine, but what are you gonna hang it from, the chain or the pearls? 118 00:07:47,413 --> 00:07:51,543 Neither! I'm gonna spray paint it on my hump! 119 00:07:51,618 --> 00:07:54,348 See, Blanche, you don't know any more than I do. 120 00:07:54,420 --> 00:07:57,787 I've decided I'm gonna run for fashion show chairman. 121 00:07:57,857 --> 00:08:02,692 You're just wasting your time. Who is gonna vote for you? I'm gonna win. 122 00:08:02,762 --> 00:08:06,789 I don't see how that's possible. Everybody on the committee is female. 123 00:08:06,866 --> 00:08:09,130 Who are you gonna sleep with? 124 00:08:14,774 --> 00:08:18,870 Are you insinuating that I cannot win it on merit alone? 125 00:08:18,945 --> 00:08:20,606 All women? 126 00:08:21,981 --> 00:08:24,006 Where are you going all dressed up? 127 00:08:24,083 --> 00:08:26,881 Raymond invited me out for an intimate dinner. 128 00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:30,411 It'll be the first time in weeks that we've been anywhere without Ma. 129 00:08:30,490 --> 00:08:33,926 Is that why you sent her off to the drugstore? 130 00:08:33,993 --> 00:08:35,654 You're dumping your own mother? 131 00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:40,028 Faster than CBS dumped Jimmy the Greek. 132 00:08:42,535 --> 00:08:44,628 Dorothy, I'm shocked at your behavior. 133 00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:47,366 Me, too. I would've done it on the first date. 134 00:08:47,440 --> 00:08:52,104 I felt terrible about doing it, but Raymond and I need our privacy. 135 00:08:52,178 --> 00:08:54,772 Why don't you just tell Sophia how you feel? 136 00:08:54,848 --> 00:08:58,614 It’ll hurt her feelings, and right now we're the only friends she has. 137 00:08:58,685 --> 00:09:00,016 I think that's sweet. 138 00:09:00,086 --> 00:09:04,420 I think it's unnatural, and I'm from the South. 139 00:09:04,490 --> 00:09:07,857 What do you do when you and Raymond wanna, 140 00:09:07,927 --> 00:09:09,758 you know, make love? 141 00:09:09,829 --> 00:09:12,764 - Blanche! - Well, it's bound to come up. 142 00:09:13,399 --> 00:09:17,927 - How do you handle it? - Yeah, Dorothy, how do you handle it? 143 00:09:18,605 --> 00:09:22,371 Handle it? I can't even get close to it. 144 00:09:23,476 --> 00:09:25,239 [Doorbell rings] 145 00:09:28,848 --> 00:09:31,783 - Is it safe? - Ma's at the drugstore. Come in. 146 00:09:31,851 --> 00:09:33,011 - Hi. - Hi. 147 00:09:33,086 --> 00:09:34,849 Okay, let's go. 148 00:09:37,590 --> 00:09:41,822 I really feel so terrible about running out on Ma like that. 149 00:09:41,895 --> 00:09:46,025 - I don't. - Hey, hey! Give it a rest, Raymond! 150 00:09:46,099 --> 00:09:48,624 You're in her mouth more than her dentist. 151 00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:52,738 How did you get back from the drugstore so soon? 152 00:09:52,805 --> 00:09:56,969 I faked a heart attack to get through the line faster. What's up? 153 00:09:57,043 --> 00:10:00,012 Well, we, uh... we were just going out to dinner. 154 00:10:00,079 --> 00:10:01,842 Great. Where are we going? 155 00:10:02,715 --> 00:10:06,151 Well, Sophia, we thought maybe just this once we'd like... 156 00:10:06,219 --> 00:10:10,212 We felt we'd like to go out for French food. How does that sound? 157 00:10:10,290 --> 00:10:15,159 They eat snails. Why pay good money for something you can scrape off your shoes? 158 00:10:16,062 --> 00:10:19,293 Well, of course, if you'd rather not come, we understand. 159 00:10:19,365 --> 00:10:22,266 Don't worry about that. I'll find something on the menu. 160 00:10:22,335 --> 00:10:25,793 I just enjoy being out with you guys. Come on. 161 00:10:25,872 --> 00:10:30,070 Dorothy, I'm getting tired of dating your mother. 162 00:10:30,143 --> 00:10:33,306 I promise this is the last time this'll ever happen. 163 00:10:33,379 --> 00:10:35,643 - Okay. - Coming, Ma. 164 00:10:35,715 --> 00:10:37,808 - Just one more thing. - What is it? 165 00:10:37,884 --> 00:10:41,342 When we are through with dinner and she begins to pick her teeth... 166 00:10:41,421 --> 00:10:43,719 I'll ask her to keep them in her mouth. 167 00:10:52,465 --> 00:10:56,526 - This is really lovely, Raymond. - I hoped you'd like it. 168 00:10:56,602 --> 00:10:59,264 Reminds me of the place I met Charles de Gaulle. 169 00:11:00,139 --> 00:11:03,597 - We were lovers, you know. - Really? 170 00:11:03,676 --> 00:11:07,635 - Ma, that's a lie. - Who asked you? 171 00:11:07,714 --> 00:11:12,083 Picture it: Sicily, 1921. 172 00:11:12,151 --> 00:11:15,018 A beautiful young peasant girl saves her lira 173 00:11:15,088 --> 00:11:17,852 and takes a trip to Paris, the city of lights, 174 00:11:17,924 --> 00:11:20,290 also the only place a guy can wear a cape 175 00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,658 without getting a lot of funny looks. 176 00:11:24,197 --> 00:11:26,097 She wanders into a restaurant 177 00:11:26,165 --> 00:11:29,566 and ends up sharing a table with a dashing young Frenchman. 178 00:11:29,635 --> 00:11:33,537 They drink, they talk, they burn a cork and draw mustaches on each other. 179 00:11:33,606 --> 00:11:34,766 What? 180 00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:37,708 Just wanted to see if you were listening. 181 00:11:37,777 --> 00:11:40,712 Anyway, the next thing she knows, 182 00:11:40,780 --> 00:11:44,079 it's hours later, the place is empty, 183 00:11:44,150 --> 00:11:47,642 and the Frenchman's got his schnoz down her blouse. 184 00:11:49,188 --> 00:11:51,884 This begins a beautiful love affair. 185 00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:55,519 Kids, I was that peasant girl, 186 00:11:55,595 --> 00:11:58,223 and the schnoz was Charles the Mole. 187 00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:01,162 Charles the Mole? 188 00:12:01,234 --> 00:12:03,634 Yeah, Charles the Mole. 189 00:12:03,703 --> 00:12:07,571 He was the wheel man for Louie the Ice Pick. 190 00:12:09,442 --> 00:12:12,138 Ma, you said Charles de Gaulle. 191 00:12:12,211 --> 00:12:15,806 Yeah, right, I slept with Charles de Gaulle. 192 00:12:15,882 --> 00:12:17,975 I could've been the first lady of France, 193 00:12:18,051 --> 00:12:20,281 but I married your father instead, 194 00:12:20,353 --> 00:12:23,151 a man who cleans his toenails with a shrimp fork. 195 00:12:25,725 --> 00:12:28,626 [(music) romantic] 196 00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:32,697 Hey, hey, hey! Move it along, ltzhak. 197 00:12:32,765 --> 00:12:35,256 We're trying to have a conversation here. 198 00:12:38,171 --> 00:12:42,870 - May I get something from the bar? - Yes. Bring me a bottle of scotch. 199 00:12:42,942 --> 00:12:45,502 Raymond, we still have to get through dinner. 200 00:12:45,578 --> 00:12:48,308 That's right. And a bottle of gin. 201 00:12:56,155 --> 00:12:58,521 Ah, dinner was just wonderful, Raymond. 202 00:12:58,591 --> 00:13:02,789 And the rolls were the best I ever tasted. You want one? 203 00:13:06,065 --> 00:13:07,862 No, thank you, Sophia. 204 00:13:07,934 --> 00:13:10,562 - How about some coffee? - Sorry. I didn't steal any. 205 00:13:10,636 --> 00:13:14,333 - But I have plenty of matches. - I meant we could make some. 206 00:13:14,407 --> 00:13:16,568 Good idea. I'll put some on. 207 00:13:20,213 --> 00:13:21,840 Dorothy, I have to tell you, 208 00:13:21,914 --> 00:13:25,680 not being able to spend any time alone with you is driving me crazy. 209 00:13:25,751 --> 00:13:27,582 I know. Me, too. 210 00:13:27,653 --> 00:13:31,111 What do you say we go away, just the two of us? 211 00:13:31,190 --> 00:13:32,214 I say yes. 212 00:13:32,291 --> 00:13:35,055 How about we go to the Bahamas? 213 00:13:35,128 --> 00:13:37,653 All right! 214 00:13:37,730 --> 00:13:40,062 Fantastic! 215 00:13:44,237 --> 00:13:49,573 I gotta tell you, being with you guys is the most fun I've had in years. 216 00:13:50,109 --> 00:13:53,169 You really made me forget my loneliness. 217 00:13:53,246 --> 00:13:54,645 Thanks. 218 00:13:54,714 --> 00:13:58,616 I can't believe it. I'm going to the Bahamas. 219 00:13:58,684 --> 00:14:00,311 (music) Day-oh 220 00:14:00,386 --> 00:14:02,183 (music) Day-oh 221 00:14:02,255 --> 00:14:04,018 (music) Day-oh (music) 222 00:14:06,626 --> 00:14:09,891 Raymond, there is no way Ma is going with us to the Bahamas. 223 00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:12,294 I promise. I promise I'll tell her. 224 00:14:12,365 --> 00:14:14,731 I hope you will. 225 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,291 You've been so understanding about Ma. 226 00:14:17,370 --> 00:14:19,702 - I appreciate it. - It's okay. 227 00:14:19,772 --> 00:14:22,969 I respect your being so considerate of your mother. 228 00:14:23,042 --> 00:14:26,068 Have you ever considered having her put away? 229 00:14:28,347 --> 00:14:31,248 Every day of my life. 230 00:14:44,063 --> 00:14:45,655 What are you still doing up? 231 00:14:45,731 --> 00:14:47,562 - Just thinking. - About what? 232 00:14:47,633 --> 00:14:51,000 About how I'm gonna tell Ma she's not invited to the Bahamas. 233 00:14:51,070 --> 00:14:53,504 What are you doing up? 234 00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:59,837 Dorothy, can I confide something in you I've never told another living soul? 235 00:14:59,912 --> 00:15:01,106 Of course. 236 00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:03,444 - Promise not to tell anybody? - I promise. 237 00:15:03,516 --> 00:15:07,384 Are you willing to spit in each other's hand and rub on it? 238 00:15:08,221 --> 00:15:11,850 Who are we, Wally and the Beaver? 239 00:15:11,924 --> 00:15:14,392 What is it you wanna tell me, Rose? 240 00:15:15,228 --> 00:15:16,923 I'm not absolutely sure 241 00:15:16,996 --> 00:15:19,965 I'm the most qualified Tinkerbelle to win the election. 242 00:15:20,032 --> 00:15:22,523 Of course you are. 243 00:15:22,602 --> 00:15:27,335 Why, you're the best damn Tinkerbelle I know. 244 00:15:28,241 --> 00:15:30,869 Oh, girls, I just had the most disturbing dream. 245 00:15:30,943 --> 00:15:32,035 What was it? 246 00:15:32,111 --> 00:15:34,671 I was stranded on a desert island 247 00:15:34,747 --> 00:15:38,308 with Tom Selleck, Ted Danson and Steve Guttenberg. 248 00:15:39,051 --> 00:15:41,986 Three men and no baby. 249 00:15:42,054 --> 00:15:46,457 They kept passing me around and kissing me and powdering my behind. 250 00:15:47,126 --> 00:15:49,686 So what was so disturbing? 251 00:15:49,762 --> 00:15:54,756 Well, I woke up, and I'd only gotten to sleep with Steve Guttenberg. 252 00:15:57,036 --> 00:16:00,062 And I'm not even sure who he is. 253 00:16:01,807 --> 00:16:05,106 - What are y'all doing up? - I just couldn't sleep. 254 00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:07,338 Me neither. I'm worried about Ma. 255 00:16:07,413 --> 00:16:12,043 Oh, she didn't take the news too well about not going to the Bahamas. 256 00:16:12,118 --> 00:16:14,109 Dorothy still hasn't told her. 257 00:16:14,186 --> 00:16:17,849 Honey, it's been days. What are you waiting for? 258 00:16:17,923 --> 00:16:22,826 She's so thrilled, how can I tell her she's not invited? I'm not going. 259 00:16:22,895 --> 00:16:24,920 Dorothy, you're making a mistake. 260 00:16:24,997 --> 00:16:26,191 Me, too. 261 00:16:26,265 --> 00:16:30,167 Besides, spending all your time with Sophia isn't really helping her. 262 00:16:30,236 --> 00:16:32,397 She needs to meet her own friends. 263 00:16:32,471 --> 00:16:34,496 I'm not going. She needs me. 264 00:16:34,573 --> 00:16:37,804 Dorothy, please give this thing you're doing some thought. 265 00:16:37,877 --> 00:16:41,813 Raymond is such a great guy. He's been more than reasonable. 266 00:16:41,881 --> 00:16:46,318 And he's the only man who hasn't dumped you after the first date in months. 267 00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:49,018 Years. 268 00:16:50,690 --> 00:16:55,684 I agree with everything you're trying to say, but it is not that simple. 269 00:16:55,761 --> 00:16:59,492 The woman is my mother, and right now she needs my attention. 270 00:16:59,565 --> 00:17:03,001 Why don't you just tell her how you feel? She'll understand. 271 00:17:03,069 --> 00:17:06,163 - You honestly think so? - Sonia Klingenhoffer did. 272 00:17:07,406 --> 00:17:10,842 She certainly did. Thank you for pointing that out, Rose. 273 00:17:11,210 --> 00:17:13,303 Good night. 274 00:17:13,379 --> 00:17:15,074 You know Sonia Klingenhoffer? 275 00:17:15,147 --> 00:17:17,581 Know her? She's from St. Olaf, isn't she? 276 00:17:17,650 --> 00:17:20,483 - Lovely woman. See you. - Wait a minute. 277 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:25,618 - Sonia's not a woman. - I know. She's a cow. 278 00:17:25,691 --> 00:17:27,318 A pig. 279 00:17:27,393 --> 00:17:28,655 A duck? 280 00:17:28,728 --> 00:17:30,696 A horse. A pencil sharpener. 281 00:17:30,763 --> 00:17:34,426 Blanche, jump in. I'm drowning. 282 00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,196 "Sonia Klingenhoffer" is a comic strip. 283 00:17:37,269 --> 00:17:40,932 And a darn good one, too. Well, good night. 284 00:17:41,006 --> 00:17:42,701 Both of you come back here, 285 00:17:42,775 --> 00:17:47,144 or I'll follow you to your room and act it out with sock puppets. 286 00:17:50,516 --> 00:17:52,541 Okay. You were saying? 287 00:17:54,186 --> 00:17:55,744 In the first panel, 288 00:17:55,821 --> 00:17:58,381 it says "Sonia Klingenhoffer" in big letters, 289 00:17:58,457 --> 00:18:00,618 and the "O" has pigtails. 290 00:18:00,693 --> 00:18:02,422 What's in the second panel, Rose? 291 00:18:02,495 --> 00:18:04,554 Sonia's walking down this country road. 292 00:18:04,630 --> 00:18:07,098 There's this group of children laughing at her. 293 00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:11,000 In the bubble coming out of her mouth, it says, "It's not funny. 294 00:18:11,070 --> 00:18:15,268 You try getting white bread and mayonnaise out of your braces." 295 00:18:15,341 --> 00:18:19,300 - And then in the third panel... - Rose, how many panels are there? 296 00:18:19,378 --> 00:18:22,939 Sixteen. And then in the next panel... 297 00:18:23,015 --> 00:18:25,779 Could you just tell us the gist of the story? 298 00:18:25,851 --> 00:18:28,046 Oh, fine, but then you'd miss the joke 299 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:30,816 between the two crows on the telephone wire. 300 00:18:32,124 --> 00:18:34,558 The gist of the story, Rose. 301 00:18:36,095 --> 00:18:39,258 Well, in the last panel, Sonia tells her mother, 302 00:18:39,331 --> 00:18:41,629 and her mother understands. 303 00:18:49,842 --> 00:18:53,403 If my foot wasn't asleep, I wouldn't ask this. 304 00:18:53,479 --> 00:18:56,039 What exactly was it Sonia told her mama? 305 00:18:56,115 --> 00:19:00,176 The joke between the two crows. I knew you'd beg to hear it. 306 00:19:00,252 --> 00:19:01,879 That's it. Get out! 307 00:19:01,954 --> 00:19:04,388 - But... - Get out! 308 00:19:06,192 --> 00:19:08,820 - [Thud] - Ow! My nose! 309 00:19:08,894 --> 00:19:10,987 [Blanche] Sophia, are you all right? 310 00:19:11,063 --> 00:19:14,692 Wonderful, wonderful. I always wanted to have a nose like Joe Frazier. 311 00:19:15,167 --> 00:19:17,226 How long were you listening at the door? 312 00:19:17,303 --> 00:19:19,134 I wasn't listening at the door. 313 00:19:19,205 --> 00:19:21,639 Then why was your face pressed against the crack? 314 00:19:21,707 --> 00:19:25,199 - That's what the crow said! - Get out! 315 00:19:35,888 --> 00:19:37,082 [Knocking] 316 00:19:37,156 --> 00:19:39,056 - Ma, it's me. - Come in. 317 00:19:42,461 --> 00:19:46,227 - I wanna talk to you about the trip. - I wanna talk about the same thing. 318 00:19:46,298 --> 00:19:49,131 - I'm not going. - What? 319 00:19:49,201 --> 00:19:54,537 You were right when you said I should make new friends, so I took your advice. 320 00:19:54,607 --> 00:19:56,768 I met some nice people at the center, 321 00:19:56,842 --> 00:19:59,402 and this weekend we're all going to Cancun. 322 00:19:59,979 --> 00:20:03,608 You and what's-his-name will have to go to the Bahamas without me. 323 00:20:03,682 --> 00:20:07,243 You just met these people, and you're all going to Cancun? 324 00:20:07,319 --> 00:20:09,879 Yeah. One of them has a condo down there. 325 00:20:09,955 --> 00:20:13,186 Ma, you were listening at the door last night, weren't you? 326 00:20:13,259 --> 00:20:18,458 No, no. I swear on your father's grave. Or what used to be your father's grave. 327 00:20:18,531 --> 00:20:21,466 Now it's a Der Wienerschnitzel. 328 00:20:21,534 --> 00:20:24,662 But he always liked their pups, so I never made a fuss. 329 00:20:24,737 --> 00:20:27,262 I know what you're trying to do. It's not working. 330 00:20:27,339 --> 00:20:29,967 - What? - You made up something to do 331 00:20:30,042 --> 00:20:32,704 because you're afraid you'll be intruding. 332 00:20:32,778 --> 00:20:36,771 You don't have to worry about that. Honey, you are more important. 333 00:20:36,849 --> 00:20:41,286 And that's why I'm spending the entire weekend here with you. 334 00:20:42,988 --> 00:20:45,582 Jeez, you're a yutz. 335 00:20:45,658 --> 00:20:48,627 Try not to get all choked up. 336 00:20:48,694 --> 00:20:52,130 Look, Dorothy, I appreciate what you did for me, but... 337 00:20:52,197 --> 00:20:54,028 I got my own plans now. 338 00:20:54,099 --> 00:20:55,896 Okay, Ma. 339 00:20:55,968 --> 00:20:57,765 Whatever you say. 340 00:21:11,150 --> 00:21:15,382 Dorothy, isn't there anything I can say that'll make you change your mind? 341 00:21:15,454 --> 00:21:18,355 I'm afraid not. 342 00:21:18,424 --> 00:21:20,358 Look at the brochure again. 343 00:21:20,426 --> 00:21:23,987 Honestly, Raymond, if I went to the Bahamas with you, 344 00:21:24,063 --> 00:21:27,362 I would spend the entire time worrying about my mother... 345 00:21:27,433 --> 00:21:31,426 and frolicking gaily on sandy white beaches. 346 00:21:32,104 --> 00:21:35,403 Dancing cheek to cheek under starry skies. 347 00:21:35,474 --> 00:21:40,673 And sharing romantic interludes to the sound of the pounding waves. 348 00:21:40,746 --> 00:21:44,773 Oh, God, I hate that wretched old woman! 349 00:21:44,850 --> 00:21:47,910 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Raymond, I just can't. 350 00:21:47,987 --> 00:21:50,319 My mother needs me here. 351 00:21:50,389 --> 00:21:55,850 Dorothy, you are one hell of a daughter, but you're also a lousy girlfriend. 352 00:21:55,928 --> 00:21:56,986 I'm sorry. 353 00:21:57,062 --> 00:22:02,728 The best thing for you and me to do is not to see each other for a while, 354 00:22:02,801 --> 00:22:05,497 until your mother doesn't need as much of your time. 355 00:22:06,605 --> 00:22:07,867 Maybe you're right. 356 00:22:11,243 --> 00:22:14,007 I'll call you in a few weeks. - Okay. 357 00:22:15,247 --> 00:22:16,475 Raymond. 358 00:22:29,561 --> 00:22:30,653 Hi, Dorothy. 359 00:22:30,729 --> 00:22:33,323 - Hey, how did the election go? - Don't ask. 360 00:22:33,399 --> 00:22:36,493 It was a disaster. We both lost by a landslide. 361 00:22:36,568 --> 00:22:39,696 You're kidding. Who won? 362 00:22:39,772 --> 00:22:43,037 Fifi Bolger. Can you believe that? 363 00:22:43,108 --> 00:22:46,635 I think it's just because her husband's a plastic surgeon. 364 00:22:46,712 --> 00:22:48,703 What does that have to do with it? 365 00:22:48,781 --> 00:22:51,614 She promised everyone a discount on liposuction: 366 00:22:51,684 --> 00:22:55,279 Two cheeks for the price of one. 367 00:22:56,889 --> 00:22:59,824 That's what swung it for Nixon in '68. 368 00:23:01,226 --> 00:23:04,252 Sophia, I thought you'd be on your way to Cancun. 369 00:23:04,329 --> 00:23:06,729 Me, too. Someone was supposed to pick me up. 370 00:23:06,799 --> 00:23:08,926 I can't figure out what's taking so long. 371 00:23:09,001 --> 00:23:11,128 Ma, when are you going to stop? 372 00:23:11,203 --> 00:23:14,934 Look, you're not going anywhere, so just put down your suitcase 373 00:23:15,007 --> 00:23:17,407 and you and I will go see a movie. 374 00:23:17,476 --> 00:23:18,841 You go to a movie. 375 00:23:18,911 --> 00:23:22,039 In a few hours, I'll be basking on a beautiful beach, 376 00:23:22,114 --> 00:23:25,447 trying to keep the sand out of my wrinkles. 377 00:23:25,517 --> 00:23:27,041 [Doorbell rings] 378 00:23:27,119 --> 00:23:28,677 I'll get it. 379 00:23:30,489 --> 00:23:33,049 - Hello there. - Is Sophia home? 380 00:23:33,125 --> 00:23:35,821 - Hi, Duncan. - Hi, Sophia. 381 00:23:35,894 --> 00:23:39,159 The gang's waiting in the car. I'll take your suitcase. 382 00:23:39,231 --> 00:23:43,167 Ma, you're really going, aren't you? 383 00:23:43,235 --> 00:23:45,499 I tried to tell you. 384 00:23:45,571 --> 00:23:48,802 I thought you were lonely. I thought you needed me. 385 00:23:48,874 --> 00:23:52,207 I did, and you were there just like always. 386 00:23:52,277 --> 00:23:54,302 I love you, pussycat. 387 00:23:54,379 --> 00:23:58,406 But, hey, I got my own life to live. Adios.